Welcome to the club, new parents. Here's a short list containing just a few of the amazing and ridiculous things you'll get to do over the next five years.
- Butter a piece of toast while peeing.
- Brush someone's teeth against their will.
- Blow on food while it's in someone else's mouth.
- Help someone else blow on food while it's in someone else's mouth.
- Eat food that's fallen out of someone else's mouth.
- Eat food you found on the floor.
- Eat food you found on the mantle.
- Eat candy you found in a shoe.
- Visit a psychiatrist.
- Wipe somebody's nose with your bare hand.
- Let somebody barf in your bare hand.
- Eat baby food.
- Blame a fart on a child.
- Blame a child's fart on your spouse.
- Get someone dressed while you're in the shower.
- Pass out from blowing up a kiddie pool.
- Cut up a grape.
- Almost agree to cut up a raisin.
- Pretend to enjoy the flavor of a prune.
- Ask someone why their hair smells like Gogurt.
- Ask someone why their hair smells like your antiperspirant.
- Put someone else's toenail clippings in your pocket.
- Let someone watch you crap while they stare blankly eating a popsicle.
- Have someone think you're amazing at frisbee.
